wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
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