I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
