after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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