no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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