Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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