Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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