I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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