Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
