just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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