my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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