it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
