And the cops told us we were all naked.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Green mimosas i think yes
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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