I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
