I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
