Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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