he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
