I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
