Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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