some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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