You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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