Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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