Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
