Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
