i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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