Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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