And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
