Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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