There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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