Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
