Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
