do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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