mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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