There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
