Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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