You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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