So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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