Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
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