Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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