If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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