Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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