one two three fourrrrnication!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
