question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
