Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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