is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
