why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
