We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
