I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
