I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
