My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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