its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
that may or may not have been my penis.
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