escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We left the knife in your bed.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
