I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
