I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
