just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
