If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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