I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
