I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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